Chapter: Big Butt and A Smile

I've noticed something lately. A lot of people tend to be attracted to other people not for the person they are, but rather a collection of their parts. I know it sounds wordy, but hear me out. How many guys do you know love a big "ass"? Or a full rack? Thick thighs? Brunettes? Redheads? Long legs? How many of you love a nice six pack? Muscles? Cute faces? I personally feel like it falls heavier for guys. Too many times have I heard guys say things like "I love big asses," or "I love girls who cook," I have nothing against their interests, but they affect women by saying such things. Some girls, if not the majority, then begin to adjust themselves in order to appear attractive, but they work in parts.

Guys say they like like big butts, so some girls want to have big butts. Some guys like big breasts, so some women get breast enhancements. There are guys that like a girl simply for her bodily assets. For example, Amber Rose. She's known for her buzz cut head, big ass and breasts (and of course for dating Kanye West, but that's irrelevant). Guys find her attractive because they like her figure, mostly her ass. As well as Kim Kardashian, guys love her butt. The fact that they often blatantly point out what they like makes women sometimes see themselves differently. They begin asserting themselves in portions. They say things like, "I love my legs, but I hate my butt."

See me? They develop a fragmented sense of self that divides the person they are. They become obsessed with perfecting parts of their bodies and forget what these parts create collectively. Don't run just because it makes your legs look better, run because it's good exercise. If you want to work on parts of your body sure, but don't let it make you forget about your entirety.

It just kind of sort of irks me when I hear people say things like "I love tits and asses." Ok? So does that mean you'd want to date that and forget everything else it's attached to?

We have all done it at least once. Whenever we're asked what do you like in the opposite sex or in a partner. "Tall, dark and handsome", "Smart, fit and funny", "Shorter than me, nice body and can cook". We point out things we're attracted to or that we'd like. It's obvious we won't find the "perfect" one, but it's even more obvious that there is no such thing. Like someone for who they are as a whole, not just their body or their sense of humor, but the person they are. Cliché, I don't care.

I hope you could all catch on to the fact that I mean this in a mental perspective/ figurative manner. It was probably redundant to say any of this because it most likely won't change anything, but oh well. It's a blog.

Chapter: BlindSight

I got blindsided trying to be more open minded,

Listening to your words I again became misguided,

I looked into your eyes, and thought I saw what I wanted to see,

Truth, desire, want and overall sincerity,

but instead it was the one I hate, unwelcome deceit.

Chapter: Resentment

Forget what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If it doesn’t kill you it leaves you crippled, incapable of functioning the way you once did. My mind is a mess, it’s like it’s infected with something. Critters crawling around in my brain, I itch at the sight of your face, and violently react to the sound of your voice. The anger that has consumed me serves as my muse. I create pieces simply because they allow me to bring to life that which I cannot do in reality. Connect the dots. Do you thrive on the deceit you feed to my soul? Do you prosper with my anguish, is this some sort of masochism? I can’t stand people telling me what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. No, what doesn’t kill you leaves you for dead.

Chapter: Off Future

One thing that really gets me annoyed is potential gone to pure waste. It pains me to see people and places that I love become obsolete and useless. I'm all for change, but let it be productive and positive for yourself and the environment. We all possess personal freedom, but know what you are choosing and what you are deciding to support. What is this with our youth chanting "Kill them all!" Really?

I was recently introduced to OFWGKTA (Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All). Basically a bunch of rapper dudes between ages 16-21 who don't care about anything and rap and stuff. They have variety, but I'm being vague. But yeah, cool, good for them. I listened to them for a few days, mostly because I was angry, but when I began to cool down and had the lyrics rolling off of my tongue, I noticed what I was saying.

Tell your b*tch stop complaining bout her achey tits
A body is a temple - I don't give a f*ck; I'm atheist

-__-, inspiring. I'm all for religious freedom and people have the right to believe whatever they wish to believe, but c'mon. This is what hip hop is coming to? This group is different, that's obvious, but is what they're bringing to the table something we should be praising? Their content usually has to do with rape, "f*cking white b*tches", mutilation, murder, or life generally. Not forgetting homophobia, misogyny, and just extreme violence.
They're different, people like different, but why would a young girl be so enthused by a guy saying..

Moving on to a Jessica, planning to make a mess of herAfter a couple drinks and a session of anal sex with herLike "Hey there, intestines, my cock is erect, next to ya"We the sh*t like what you make, them n*ggas still ain't fresh as us.

No offense to the group, but after those few days, I felt like my IQ dropped a few points, and I was offending myself. But that's just me.

So back to my point. I feel like some of the people I know are growing up and changing, but in my eyes, instead of progressing they're degenerating. Supporting music that in no way represents what they claim to "love" (i.e. soul), and just completely contradict themselves. I'm all for spontaneity, but not when it's running around saying you want to kill people and "burning rubber and f*cking beasts with a burnt d*ck". You're still in high school, probably can't completely fathom what it is you're listening to, and so you categorize it as "swag". Because raping and killing people is attractive and respectable. (I know it's all hypothetical and in theory, but really?) Calm down. These dudes were even afraid of their mom listening to what they were creating. Seriously, see for yourself.

Odd Future's Tyler, The Creator says:

"If you go to any other rapper's show, they just stand there and rap. Rap is really just too conventional. Everybody does the same thing. No one ever pushes the box. And then when you get people pushing the line too far, people are like, 'What the f--- is this?' And then it's like ... 'This is tight, it's new.' We're doing something that no one has ever done before."

I love new music. I respect this group's outlandish approach, but I don't like that it's adding corruption to an already messed up youth.

I'll leave you with some wise words..

"Yo I’m seventeen, already sniffin’ blow. I tell my friends its asthmary time I itch my throat, I got a new show for MTV, Pimp My Boat."

Odd Future, indeed.

Remember, just my opinion.

Chapter: Broken

It hurts when you try so hard to make something better and in return you get the one thing you dreaded. It hurts so much I'm speechless. Feels like an out of body experience, but yet I feel like I was clubbed to death. The effort I put in to make you happy was pointless; you were already somewhere else…again. I feel lost, and I think you're perfectly fine.

Chapter: Selah Sue (Beast)

Chapter: Miss Vintage

The mistress dressed in vintage, kept him hooked-each time was different.

Her figure blinded his eyes, but fit so well; double 20 vision.

So his mind escaped with time and left the one that he was with quick.

Called her on the side, whispered "Love, can we speak for a minute?"

So he went on "Baby your curves are like lightning, I think I need a medic, your words are so enticing,"

His conscience whispered to his mind "Maybe I should end it?"

but his actions repeated time after time, a habit he perfected.

Lustful dreams invaded his core; confused he reckoned "but what about my amor?"

Clueless and naive to the intuitive scenes she would dream, she brushed them aside concluding "no, he's with me."

He loved her, that was not even a question; but his confusion made him lose it, always feeling tempted.

playing in his mind "I've been thinking bout, I've been thinking bout, I've been thinking bout you lately. Thoughts take me to when we were close; addicted to this (lust) feel I need another dose."

So he indulged, never been the same ever since.

An addict leaving the habit reacts so weird when he has to rehab it'

He stopped, but what happens when he sees the poison?

"This girl is cocaine to the brain,"

tempted he's on the verge of going "Cobain"

But he caught himself and saw what he was doing;

feeding his soul; he killed his half with his pursuings'

He figured love is of the essence, lust is temporary presence,

Miss Vintage is always gone, so an encounter is a refreshment;

But amor is the air with the occasional breeze,

taken for granted but it's all he really needs.

So he came back from his walk, to the picnic on the moon,

The embrace of his amor saying "I knew you'd be back soon."

And he felt; this is too special to lose.

Chapter: Balistic Tunes

Keep track of Balistic on his blog as he creates an awesome mixtape with a plethora of artists.

Tune in here.

Chapter: Why

Nothing in this world is ever fair, but what's the reason for that? What is the reason for good genuine souls to get mistreated for only wishing well upon others. For only caring for others. Where is the balance in this world? Lost in an ocean of meretricious digression. Besotted by a life of glamour, freedom, and all the material superficial things you can ask for? But where does that get you? Success? What is success if when you sit down at home, ready for bed, and as you think of your life you begin to notice an overwhelming feeling of a void in it. What is this void? The things that annoyed you in your past, simply saw as a nuisance, and tossed to the side in your pursuit of an easy "successful" life. The feelings that were too complicated for you to deal with so you abandoned them. The feelings that confused you with their authenticity that you preferred to not deal with such purity because you knew the things you did were not worthy of it.

But why cast that cold shoulder to the person caring? You are hurting them and hurting yourself. This person only cares and loves you. Loves you. And by doing this, you showed them they shouldn't love you because you don't appreciate it or recognize it in their actions. You're confusing them and pushing them away. And if you do it just enough, you give them that last push they need, you have just created a void that will accompany you for the rest of your life. That person might stay, might go, but you will always wonder why you feel a certain way when you think about your life.

Years from now you'll ask yourself what's missing. You've got all you could possibly ask for. Keep in mind though, you create your own destiny, so don't be careless.

Chapter: Should I?

Lost part of my sanity. The cost of expression puts you in a vulnerable state. I know what I want to do, but I can not. The consequences are not worth it. I must say though, the pleasure and satisfaction I would receive from it definitely makes me contemplate my steps.