Chapter: Now Because of Then

The pain chases me as I finalize my decision, even though it’s already been keeping me company. Scared to jump again I recoil into my shell. Bruised and aching from the last time I fell. Haunted by the nightmares, yearning a peaceful dream. I have all of it stored, bursting at the seams, but what do I do? I want, but I don’t want to want. I need, but I don’t want to need. I love, but I don’t want to love. The past lies in the past, but creeps into my present. Even if it’s not happening, despite its irrelevance. The statement makes it simple, but the action leaves me crippled. Kept away, far way, where no wave can come from a ripple. But what are you left with in the end? A friend?..

Chapter: Facebook Anonymous

So I think we're in a pretty cyber dependant era. Not in a sick way, but in a social network way if that makes any sense. I just realized a lot of us have this urge to check our facebooks, twitters or what ever kind of social profile we may have online wayyy too many times in a day. It's become sort of embedded in our daily routines. "I'm bored.." bam, check facebook. "I'm hungry.." bam, update twitter. I'm sure we've all thought about this and even forced ourselves to take breaks from the sites, but they're breaks. We relapse soon enough. I guess it's understandable seeing that we live in a time where a lot of networking is done online, but some of the time we spend online is unecessary. Scrolling down a newsfeed for hours. Telling twitter you're hungry. I know I sometimes go online and keep a tab open to facebook for no real reason, but to check back every five minutes or so. So what I want to know is why. What gives us that urge to check so frequently?

I don't know. Even facebook says people spend 700 billion minutes on it. Not each individual, everyone together. That's thousands of years. Woah. The answer is probably really simple, but I still don't understand. Oh well.

Just a thought.

Chapter: Really?

Tell me if I'm crazy, but aren't people supposed to feel something (even if it's just a little) when they know what they're doing is wrong? Or do they mute their conscience? Like you can't mess up soo many times and say you're still learning when the mistakes are all so similar. I don't get it. How can you do something knowing it's wrong? KNOWING it's off and not right and then they say it's because they're a kid. Kids learn eventually.
Wouldn't you eventually learn disloyalty isn't right? You don't even need to learn it, you feel it. If only people knew what it felt like to experience disloyalty, maybe then they'd understand what they're doing. No judgment really, in all honesty I'm trying to understand how it's wrong for a person to feel upset or bothered when they are deceived. I'm only human you know, as is everyone else, but damn. People make mistakes, but how much can one tolerate?

And just a side question: since when was it morally ok to be disloyal?

Chapter: High Lows

The lows always follow the highs like a shadow. When things feel to good to be true, it's because they are.

Chapter: Vespian Ventures

Rollercoaster of love,
2 years after the push came to shove,
After I chose to jump and take that leap,
While you promised to hold my hand and stay with me.
We flew.
Through the planets and the stars,
Swaying hand in hand healing from past scars.
The meteors came and crashed our journey,
Separating the vehicle because it only seemed deserving,
But mended it became when the attraction unified the parts,
Although cracks still remained in that open wound of a heart.
The wonders never leave and the hauntings stay and linger,
But in-between the nightmares I sometimes dream of a ring on my finger.
"If love is suicide, then lead me to my demise"
I died, but the culprit somehow brought me back to life.
The love adhered our souls, torn and healed,
Words can't describe, just look into our eyes to feel.
New beginning and eternal love,
The invincible kind I know we both dream of.
That's us.

Chapter: Billie X Armstrong Interlude

Chalk on the Walk from Marlene Marmolejos on Vimeo.

Me at the Chalk on the Walk at the May Fair 2011. First try at chalk art, fun day.