Chapter: Traced on My Palm

Perhaps I'm scarred with all the twisted attempts towards your happiness I made when you shattered mine.
Perhaps I'm not aware that your actions, affected mine permanently time after time.
Perhaps I've grown cold, so cold that it feels warm.
Like I'm standing in a hurricane completely unaware of the storm.
Perhaps this is temporary, a phase I'll pass through soon,
But maybe it's necessary, since you barely remember the picnic on the moon.
You say so many things, the truth stings so why does this tickle?
Perhaps it makes me laugh that you really think my feelings are fickle.
What is it that you expect from me? To be a stone, a boulder you won't move?
To be still at your words and actions, to just stand by and approve?
This is news.
Perhaps we can't communicate,
Perhaps we don't understand.
Or is it I just miss the words you wrote once on the palm of my hand?

Chapter: Not A Single Clue

What kind of a bond is it if you can't be real without being put down,
Like I don't have a right to speak, to cry to make any sound.
I knew in the beginning, but you hushed my inhibitions,
Leading me to a world where your embrace is my addiction.
If I even state the word, raise the thought or imply the action,
The withdrawals start imediately and I'm led to my retraction.
Is this right?
Not feeling special, called needy, not an ounce of care at the sight of a tear.
I'm "emotionally attached", excuse me for being human.
My simple requests are burdens to you and you believe their completion
would suffice my happiness. That you do oh so much for me.
You've made progress, we've made progress,
but the nightmares come and go.
The trust is back, but the fear is instilled,
Hope for the best and ignore all the woe.
I can't even write poetry, it's like it's all dead.
Emotions stirring violently while I lay down on my bed,
but there they stay, plain, dry, quiet and grey,
Unarticulated thoughts tainted with dismay.
What is this?
I want to run, scream, shout and kill,
Implant misery to those who hurt me.
But what's the point.
It happened,
It'll always lie in the past,
holding my present captive and my future as a pathetic hostage.
What has become of me?

Chapter: Now Because of Then

The pain chases me as I finalize my decision, even though it’s already been keeping me company. Scared to jump again I recoil into my shell. Bruised and aching from the last time I fell. Haunted by the nightmares, yearning a peaceful dream. I have all of it stored, bursting at the seams, but what do I do? I want, but I don’t want to want. I need, but I don’t want to need. I love, but I don’t want to love. The past lies in the past, but creeps into my present. Even if it’s not happening, despite its irrelevance. The statement makes it simple, but the action leaves me crippled. Kept away, far way, where no wave can come from a ripple. But what are you left with in the end? A friend?..

Chapter: Flashing Lights

Flashing lights blind me as I walk out this car. This red carpet leads me to the meeting places of the rest of these so-called stars. Click, click go the cameras, catching every moment I inhale and exhale, seems as if I'm being held against my own will. I love the life, but the baggage is kind of heavy. I'm trying to live right, but on my way, I feel as if some of my morals may have left me. Eyes all over prey on my every move, how can I live easy if they wait for me to mess up like some april fool. Keep calm and carry on, but my life is no longer mine. I wanted to come into this, taking every chance to speed up time. I unwillingly put myself out there, not knowing I'd be manipulated into some kind of puppet, money's coming in so they think my mindset is just f*ck it.

The game isn't as it's painted, I thought the love of the art would be enough, but the money makes it tainted. The void grows with the money, the vibes wrong, but the fans really love me. The more I live it, the more is gone from my cup. Just thinking of ways, to fill it back up..

Was bored.

Chapter: CITY!

Movement City.

What's that you ask?

Possibly the best place you can spend your time at. So, here's my story. Gonna get a little personal, so hold on to something. Just kidding, but seriously this isn't a joking matter. Ok, so here's me, a quiet, shy, bored with her life, desperate to find something to do to that she loves, bored (again), girl whose really dying to go somewhere she'll fit perfectly in, and do something creative. Did you pick up on the problem yet? Shy. So I'd heard of Movement City when it was Hope Street. I believe I was in my early teens at the time. I was introduced to it by my mom, apparently she wanted to dump me off

someplace where I could go nuts with the arts stuff. So I printed out the application, filled it out and everything.

Moment of truth... never sent it in.

Downer, right?

3 years later. (Approximately)

I hear about this center called Movement City, where you can take all sorts of creative classes. Sounded familiar to me. My friend described the area, told me where it was, how the people were. The whole kit and kaboodle. So I once again printed out an application, filled it out, even WENT to the building. When the moment of truth came I turned back, and went home.

3 more years later. (I think.)

I was on a step team for my high school and I told my friend Valerie about Movement City. We youtubed it, and I showed her all the dance videos. She fell under the same spell I was under and signed up. The difference between her and I, I was shy. Very shy. I was going to begin going, but I couldn't because my practices already took too much of my time. Junior year comes, and there is no longer a step team. One monday afternoon, I'm sitting in my living room frustrated. I call my friend and explain to her I'm bored with my life, and I want to dance again. She pretty much yells at me, telling me I need to go to MC. So, the next week, she actually brings me there herself and makes me sign up. I know, I sound like a baby, but whatever.

The following week, when I was going there for the first time alone, was a car ride I would never forget. I was shaking. I don't think I have ever been that nervous. Think about it, here I am going to this center where I know no one. I don't even live in the city. Moving on. When I entered, I was immediately greeted by the those who were there and was overwhelmed by the creative spirit that was bouncing off the walls. I was still in my shell, and barely spoke to anyone, unless I was spoken to.

I first took a dance class, and loved it. When the last session of the year ended, I didn’t want to leave the center for the whole summer, so I spoke to the Academic Director and asked her if there was anyway I could help out during the summer. She told me I could volunteer with the stations summer camp, and I jumped at the offer and told her I would. So that summer was when I really met everyone and developed relationships with the younger kids. It was a busy summer, besides volunteering, but I made it possible so that I could go.

Entering my senior year, I felt like I was a part of the family in Movement City. I joined Movement Squad, and was involved with all the happenings at MC. I loved being a part of the center and helping out the way it helped me. See, what I love so much about MC is that it turned my life around. Not to be dramatic. It saved me from a black hole of a depression I was already in.

The relationships I have made with the people at Movement City are ones I will carry with me for the rest of my life. The center has allowed me to blossom as a person and find my voice. It has enabled me to feel comfortable being myself around people I don’t know, and uplifted my spirit at a time where it was impossible. It has given me so much to look forward to in life and has allowed me to find the confidence I lacked. As I retrogress and look back to the first time I set foot in the center, I understand why I was so nervous. It was because my life was about to change, and the I had found my home away from home.

I know it seems a little sappy, but hey, it's the truth. This center is something that should be in every state of this country, and I won't be surprised if it someday happens. So, when I say "Movement!", I want to hear (or read) you all say "City!"

MOVEMENT?!

Chapter: Let's

Let's live without imagining demise,
Let's talk, let's unravel our minds.
Let's be together and forget about time,
Let's chat, let's unwind.

Let's kill the judgments that make us so blind.
Let's talk, let's stop being so kind.
Let's observe the sky as the planets realign,
Let's chat, let's unwind.

Let's live in the present, and leave the past behind,
Let's talk, let's release those thoughts confined.
Let's live in peace and let our lives intertwine,
Let's chat, let's unwind.

Let's be ignorant and live in a blissful state of mind,
Let's talk, let's visit cloud nine.
Let's move to the moon and come back some other time,
Let's chat, let's unwind.

Let's get along, and let our feelings combine,
Let's talk, let's not let the attraction decline.
Let's grow and go beyond ninety-nine,
Let's chat, 'cause I'd only want you to be mine.

Chapter: Tuning Into Def Jam

The legendary KRS-ONE and Doug E. Fresh.



That's moving. Like Freedom Writers-status (in case you didn't notice those were tears in the end.)

So I watched How She Move tonight, the movie about stepping. I was bored and was just relaxing, soaking up the time I actually have to chill. In all honesty, I thought it was going to be a joke, because that's what most dance movies these days are turning out to be. But to my surprise, I kind of liked it. I mean it wasn't anything great, like "OMG, I have to watch this again...and again...and again and again." But it was pretty decent. The stepping was on point. They had some pretty good sets, but what intrigued me the most was the underlying message it had. It wasn't anything innovative and new, just the typical "I gotta do my best to get out of the hood"-type message, but I liked it. The girl was actually really smart and spoke articulately and clearly. At first, she was kind of big-headed in a way because she went to a private school and disconnected herself form her roots. But in the end, she came to her senses and noticed she doesn't have to leave everything behind to move forward. Meaning her people, and her love to step.
Hm, I thought it was cute, but thats just me.

Chapter: Snippet of My Poetry

Shh
She's the victim of a tortured soul,
Too afraid to express the feelings she can't control.
Her mind is torn between curiosity and confusion,
Not knowing if its reality, or if her depression is an illusion.
She doesn't understand why she cries and sheds these tears,
Maybe this is why she's hesitant to letting anyone near.
She's skeptic about love, and wonders about compassion,
Not sure if she can't handle the intensity of her reaction.
Her mind is a world, that has not yet been discovered,
But its locked up, with high security, where no one can get in,
Not even a lover.
The day she reveals the secrets of her thoughts,
Will perhaps be the day we no longer hear the ticking of her clock,
Or the beating of her heart.
But no one knows this because she keeps herself quiet,
And is subtly confined in a prison of her own silence.

By: Marlene Marmolejos