Chapter: I'm Too Frustrated to Name This Post

I don't have many issues, if any. Those I do have are generally kept under control. Still, I manage to feel like utter worthless crap somedays strictly out of the blue. Maybe it's not so random seeing as I've educated myself enough to know that any kind of happiness or pleasure is from an over casted plague of complacency we are all victims to. Sounds rough, but is there really any other way to put it? What's the point of sugar coating anything nowadays? It's as if we are asking to be kept under this veil of ignorance. Sure, ignorance is bliss, without any doubt, but is it a blissful feeling realizing we are all mindless drones being pushed through some sort of system under the illusion of free will? It's unsettling when we fully comprehend it. Why is it so hard to succeed? Better yet, why is it so much easier to sit down and watch a movie, rather than focus that attention towards something I don't know productive, fulfilling. I could go on to mention my disdain towards people after reading several posts on Facebook and twitter, but then I would have to call myself a hypocrite. I find myself stuck deep inside some funk that has got me tied down by every hair on my body. Or at least it feels that way. I feel lazy and distracted to do what I love. I step outside of my body and try to witness myself from a different perspective, and I think that is what has me in this bitter mood. I'm under a content facade that living like this is ok. But when I go to correct myself, the most random weight sits itself on my body and it's as if I am physically incapable to do something. At all. So I lay on my bed falling right back into a hole of expediency.

So here I am. Typing and still not doing. I could say a lot more, but I won't.

Chapter: Not A Single Clue

What kind of a bond is it if you can't be real without being put down,
Like I don't have a right to speak, to cry to make any sound.
I knew in the beginning, but you hushed my inhibitions,
Leading me to a world where your embrace is my addiction.
If I even state the word, raise the thought or imply the action,
The withdrawals start imediately and I'm led to my retraction.
Is this right?
Not feeling special, called needy, not an ounce of care at the sight of a tear.
I'm "emotionally attached", excuse me for being human.
My simple requests are burdens to you and you believe their completion
would suffice my happiness. That you do oh so much for me.
You've made progress, we've made progress,
but the nightmares come and go.
The trust is back, but the fear is instilled,
Hope for the best and ignore all the woe.
I can't even write poetry, it's like it's all dead.
Emotions stirring violently while I lay down on my bed,
but there they stay, plain, dry, quiet and grey,
Unarticulated thoughts tainted with dismay.
What is this?
I want to run, scream, shout and kill,
Implant misery to those who hurt me.
But what's the point.
It happened,
It'll always lie in the past,
holding my present captive and my future as a pathetic hostage.
What has become of me?

Chapter: Down

I feel like I'm funneling into some kind of depression. Things feel so lonely.

Chapter: Summer or Insanity

I think we can come to a unanimous agreement when I say this has been the most confusing and spontaneous summer since the last time Mother Nature freaked out. I'm afraid to go outside, I don't know what to expect. Ok, I'm not really afraid, but what do you do exactly, when your local on the 8's say its going to be sunny and clear, and you step outside to a world thats humid, muggy, foggy, ugly, cloudy etc. Or if not, it's raining cats and dogs. No, better yet cows and horses. See me?
It's insanity!
I nearly died last night breathing in humidity, yuck.
But tomorrow is going to be an authentic summer day. Atleast thats what the forecast says so I hope its true.
Sigh.
I can't wait for the fall to come. I love neutral seasons.