Chapter: Down

I feel like I'm funneling into some kind of depression. Things feel so lonely.

Chapter: Same Story

Swept off my feet by a breeze of nostalgia,
Memories of once was, but truthfully never was.
The music sends melodies dancing through my mind of the swaying,
Of the dancing, jumping and flying.
Of the No Other Love.
Of what once was, but truthfully never was.
Enamored by so many films and stories convincing us it's ok,
Love is crazy, wild and untamed.
To expect the unexpected,
But surprises get old.
Especially the unpleasant kind that leave a scars where they once placed bandages.
The discomfort, the mistrust, the questions, intuitions, omissions, they come and go.
They come and GO.
So GO.
But no.
Not here, not today, tomorrow or ever.

Chapter: The Nerve

When something goes on for so long you don't realize the real effect is has on you. How you've changed as a person or how your surroundings have changed. Or why it is you let it continue to happen. I think I lost part of my sanity when I made a decision nearly 3 years ago. I was sound on what I had to do and I went to do it, and I got reeled back in. I got manipulated, lied to, betrayed and convinced that it was still ok, that it was normal. And now I'm painted as something that I am not. Shouldn't we know ourselves more than anyone else? So why does it effect us so much when someone is saying something false about you and feeding off that? Because it's untrue. Simple.

It's not right to live like this. Like you're some kind of culprit. Called things you're not and having someone expect things from you that would never in the existence of this or any other universe happen. The fact that they so truly expect that from you. Of course you'd lose part of your sanity.

What's worse is when they accuse you of something they are doing at that very moment and try to flip everything on you, when in reality you're the one getting screwed over. Repeatedly.

So what's the reasoning behind all this? Why do we allow others to say things that make us feel like dirt and continue to give them perpetual permission to do so? Usually I ask rhetorical questions, but I really wish I knew of an answer.