We're all flawed, some are temporary compared to others. Lately, I've been in a state that I couldn't even describe. I haven't been doing much with my free time, haven't been completing the many ideas and projects I come up with at all, but yet still felt ok about it because I always thought to myself "I'm gonna complete it someday." When in reality, time keeps passing and days go by and the inspiration and motivation dies off as soon as I'm done visualizing the idea.
I realized I was caring too much about the outcome and the message I was saying that I wouldn't even want to work. I dreaded working on anything because it felt like a burden, Cared too much about it being great, that the part most sacred to me, the process, became the worst. I wasn't enjoying it and gained a lack of focus. We all want to be happy in our lives. We all want to succeed. In order to do that, we must do what we love and enjoy most. I wasn't making art for myself anymore. I worried about what people might think, what they may interpret and it just didn't feel honest.
It was tainted.
I haven't created something that I really feel in such a long time. In order for me to gain control of my life again I need to reconnect with myself. I want to get to know who I am. I was recently asked that question and I was speechless. I had absolutely no idea what to say.
So I guess I'm getting back on my feet again by getting my life together. It's not gonna happen in one day, but I can start. It's on me to keep it going. I only have one life, I should enjoy it while I'm living, doing what I love.
Monday, January 7, 2013
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