Chapter: Until Then

I wake up every night at 4.05am gasping for reassurance and reaching for reality. These dreams are so real and have my mind split between what is, what might and what will be. The uncertainty is unsettling, I'm sinking with each step I take. Is this the right thing to choose? The right place to be, at the palm of someone's hand, giving them clarity? While you're constantly at threat of another. Always. Forever, the line will be blurred. Your desires step over the morals and selfishly get what they want. While the I'm the only one going through emotional collateral. My soul feels so wounded, battered and weak. I shouldn't posit love when it's rarely returned to me. When deceit is what I get instead. Your words keep playing over in my head, all of them, each with different intentions. I'm left swirling on a marry go round, with the illusion of movement and progression.